Baconsale Episode 82: Fictional Political Discourse

The time has come for us to discuss politics…in our own Baconsale way, that is. And since we don’t know that much about actual politicians, Kent and Joel are each campaigning for fictional characters they picked from film and television. They’ve grouped these candidates into two groups: best president, best vice president and best first lady as well as the worst president, worst vice president and worst first lady. Not gonna lie, it gets pretty geeky at times.

Also, you can rest assured that during this episode we will not even mention the names of certain real-life presidential candidates that we’re all tired of hearing about lately. We swore an oath.

Get your ballot ready, step into the listening booth and get ready to vote for your favorites!

39 comments

  1. chidwick1 · November 7

    I hate Lena Dunham… but you know who I hate more? Amy Shumer. Both worse than Gweneth Paltrow… though Kent, everything you are saying she will do as First Lady really makes her draw even..

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kent · November 7

      You’re so right. I almost hate mentioning their names because the hate only keeps them alive.

      Liked by 2 people

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      I’m right there with you. I just want them to go away, it’s not entertaining to hear them or see them just being human garbage.

      Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      I just hate them so bad I can’t not comment on it whenever they’re brought up… It’s a vicious cycle… of vicious comments..

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · November 7

        This thread of hate brings me joy.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. chidwick1 · November 7

    Joel wins. That last pick wins Baconsale.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kent · November 7

      Does that mean we cancel the show now?

      Like

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      I guess so.. It’s been a great run guys, but as I suspected Jar Jar and the Star Wars prequels did you in. Be sure to inform Emily as I’m sure this will finally convince her the prequels are terrible.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · November 7

        Goodnight, everybody!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. chidwick1 · November 7

    Jacob is 100% correct.

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      That’s all I’m going to say. I promise not to argue politics on this comment section. (Though I will say, I think we keep it pretty civil here)…. #HopperForPresident2016

      Like

      • Joel · November 7

        We thank you for your discretion.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. chidwick1 · November 7

    Best President: Chancellor Martok, Star Trek Deep Space Nine.

    Martok rose from a common Klingon in the military to the Supreme Chancellor of the Klingon Empire. He was a decorated soldier who fought served as a general during the Klingon civil war, and the Dominion wars. He helped build an alliance with the Federation, who had been an enemy, off and on, with the Klingon Empire for over a century. He may only have one eye, but he doesn’t lack any vision (dad joke… figured I had to slip one in here).

    Martok is a Klingon, and as such has a pretty big temper. I imagine his scandal would look something like, someone throws a shoe or something at him and he pushes the secret service out of the way, pulls out his Bat’leth and challenges the shoe thrower to a fight to the death…. there actually would probably be a lot of dueling and deaths in the white house.

    Like

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      Runner Ups:
      Captain Jean Luc Picard (I don’t think he actually ever held political office though, so I didn’t put him here)
      Optimus Prime (I mean, who wouldn’t want a President that could be his own security AND turn into a semi)
      Professor Xavier (He’d be awesome. Even keeled, thoughtful, intelligent, fair, can read people’s minds and control them or change their thoughts to align with his… wait…)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Joel · November 7

      Yikes! Now I know how people feel when we go on about a show they haven’t watched. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • chidwick1 · November 7

        To be honest, I have never watched Battlestar Galactica. So I guess we’re even. At least we have Star Wars in common right?

        Like

  5. chidwick1 · November 7

    Best First Lady: Leslie Knope, Parks and Rec

    She honestly would make a pretty good politician… even though she is pretty annoying and strongly is in favor of big government running tons of unneccessary things (like a put-put mini golf…). Honestly, you could make an argument for president here… but Martok is cooler.

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      Wanna be clear here, I think she would do much better as a first lady than a president because as president there are a lot of things people can do to block her enthusiasm and stop her from getting things done as well as try and voter her out. As first lady she can work on things that deal with people on a more personal level and throw her voice behind things she cares deeply about and affect change more directly. Also she can be really thick headed some times and I think her stubbornness would get her into trouble with the military and with foreign relations because she isn’t very flexible. In fact most of the time (and this is my main gripe about the show) people just cave in to her agenda and opinions and whenever she’s wrong she hardly apologizes. She’d be a great first lady, probably a lot like an Eleanor Roosevelt who frequently challenged her husband and his policies and did a lot of good on her own for the country.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · November 7

        Good save on that Leslie Knope issue.

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · November 7

        I got pretty into why she would be a better First Lady… This was a fun game to play along with, totally distracted me from the actual election.

        Like

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      Other picks:

      Kate Beckinsale… but I don’t think she’s ever played a political role that I’m aware of.

      … I can’t really think of anyone else right now.

      Like

  6. chidwick1 · November 7

    Best Vice President: Spock, Star Trek, TOS.

    Spock would be a great Vice President. He’s honest, extremely intelligent, and a great counselor to his captain. He’s level headed in virtually every situation, and will always give you a straight answer. He’s a perfect Vice President.

    Liked by 2 people

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      Other Picks:

      Coach Bill Yoast, Remember the Titans. (He’s a great person, and always willing to do what’s right for the team. He’s not afraid to call people out when they’re wrong and get things right, and he’s always there to help people accomplish their goals. He’s also great at scanning and seeing when people can be properly utilized in other places and at looking at problems from different angles. He’d be good)

      Yoda (He’s gotta be on this list somewhere)

      Liked by 1 person

  7. chidwick1 · November 7

    Worst President: Homer J. Simpson

    He’d be awful, but I would love watching it take place. Lard-lad donuts and a tavern on every corner! Spider pig replaces the Bald Eagle as our national mascot! Hijinks and nonsense all day, every day, for 4 years! (or until the country is completely and utterly destroyed). It would be terribl…y entertaining!

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      Runner Up

      Gary/Larry/Terry/Jerry/Gerald Gengurch/Gurgich.
      Britta from Community (she’s the worst)
      Tobias Funke (again hilarious, I’d love to see him give a state of the union address after he’s died himself blue… Though I don’t think the world is ready for a never-nude or Analrapist as a president)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · November 7

        I don’t think some of your picks have worked in governmental office before.

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · November 7

        Some of them haven’t, I tried to stick with that rule for my main picks. I definitely broke the rule with some of my runner ups, and some of them were tough to pick and I just threw a good character in.

        Like

  8. chidwick1 · November 7

    Worst First Lady: Madelena, Galavant (you’re welcome Jacob. Yes I’ve watched it now, and you were totally 100% Correct, this show is hilarious)

    Madelena would be an awful first lady. She’d have affairs, order assassinations and executions, only do things in her interest, spend lavishly on her own comfort and accommodations, dabble in black magic, and kill off the president if she got bored with him. Can’t be having that kind of thing in the white house. Plus, she would probably make half the conversations in the white house turn into musical numbers… entertaining ones, I’ll give her that, but eventually it would just get old. Plus, as we’ve seen America can only really handle that for two seasons… I mean years…

    Like

    • chidwick1 · November 7

      Dolores Umbridge is a great choice. She’s awful. Can’t really think of any other ones here.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · November 7

        You’re agreeing with Jacob twice in one comments section? He’ll be thrilled!

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · November 7

        Too bad he never comments on here! I think Crewdutler hurt his feelings a bit.

        Like

      • chidwick1 · November 7

        Besides that, I usually agree with Jacob! It’s just fun to tease him because he gets really flustered.

        Like

      • crewdutler · November 7

        If I have offended Jacob, I apologize. I am sure Jacob is a really nice guy who just has an affinity for insects. That’s all.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. chidwick1 · November 7

    Worst Vice President: Sarah Palin, (Game Change) Kidding! Kidding! This is a hard one to come up with a pick for. I mean, it’s not hard to be a vice president. So it would have to be someone who would either really mess it up, or really abuse it.. so my pick is….

    Dwight Shrute, Vice to the President, the Office

    Again, he’d probably abuse the office and just try to get any sort of authority he possibly could and he would set up weird rules at the white house. He’d also try and serve as a Secret Service officer and end up shooting the president on accident or something. Would be fun to watch though!

    Like

    • Joel · November 7

      Watch it! That kind of joke could spark an actual political conversation! No real politicians are allowed in this discussion. You have been warned.

      Liked by 2 people

      • chidwick1 · November 7

        Hey! She was in a movie and in that movie held political office! It totally fits. hahaha Yeah I know, sorry. This was a hard one for me to come up with. I mean it’s such a cake job, it would have to be a terrible, horrible person to fail at this…. Maybe Amy Shumer or Lena Dunham. I’ll say this, Sarah Palin would be way better than either of them. (There! Bright side to that comment! No hurt feelings anywhere)

        Like

  10. crewdutler · November 7

    Here are my choices – though in the interest of keeping things interesting, I am going to automatically exclude any of your picks. So, while Palmer and Binks were great picks for best and worst, they won’t be showing up in my list.

    Best Fictional President – Professor Charles Xavier (He also founds the X-Corporation whose purpose is to watch over mutant rights – that’s equivalent to SPEW for Hermoine). His scandal would be when he is outed as a mutant.
    Best Fictional VP – Bruce Wayne (he was mayor of Gotham City for 1 week) – Since the VP doesn’t do much but has access to all of the national security briefings, he would have plenty of time to be Batman. He would of course be a womanizing VP, and people would question some of the bruises that show up on his face from time to time.
    Best Fictional First Lady – Belle – She’s smart, ellegant, someone everyone in the town loves, she has experience with mutants already (since she is going to be married to Professor X) and of course her causes will be adult illiteracy and bullying.

    Worst Fictional President – Biff Howard Tannen (Is that too close to the mark?)
    Worst Fictional VP – Mayor Larry Vaughn – Baconsale should know why he would be a horrible VP.
    Worst Fictional First Lady – Slitheen – Yes, I went to Dr. Who.

    Like

  11. crewdutler · November 7

    BTW Chidwick, you really filled up the comments section early.

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · November 8

      I know… it was a slow day today and I really got into this one.

      Like

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