Baconsale Episode 79: The Fearamid (Part 1)

Beware the Fearamid! Jacob has created a series of terrifying categories, such as animals, movie monsters and natural disasters, and it’s up to Kent and Joel to decide what belongs at the top of each pyramid of fear (Hey! That’s where the name “Fearamid” comes from!). Is Pennywise the Clown scarier than Dracula? Is a giant spider less terrifying than a giant mosquito? Is being abducted by aliens worse than being held captive by a cult? These are the decisions we have to make on this episode of Baconsale!

A word of caution before you press play: things get a tad gruesome at times on this episode. Subjects such as death, dismemberment, maulings and cannibalism are discussed. It’s still done in our usual humorous tone, but you may not want to listen to this episode with your young, impressionable children. Joel made us write this part.

71 comments

  1. chidwick1 · October 17

    This is a cool different take on tournaments. It took me a bit to buy in but I enjoyed this a lot. It kind of gives you a good chance to really rank these characters against each other rather than having a good one bumped off to early like what sometimes happen with the brackets. I like it!… Except for the Saw deaths.. I also felt like Jacob definitely held back on those, I have never, and will never, watch Saw but the deaths and “puzzles” I’ve heard from that series are horrifying…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kent · October 17

      I had doubts about this idea, but Jake pulled it off. Maybe we should start giving that guy more credit…

      Liked by 2 people

      • Jacob · October 17

        let’s not get out of hand, dude.

        Liked by 2 people

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        I’d say he’s almost redeemed himself for setting up Darth Maul with the Balrog in the villains bracket. We’ll see how part 2 shakes out.

        Like

  2. chidwick1 · October 17

    By the way, watched the 6th sense with 3 people who hadn’t seen it yet, or knew the twist, over the weekend. So fun to see their minds blown! It made me sad the M. Night Shamylan sucks now. Here’s hoping he makes a comeback to that kind of form.

    Liked by 1 person

    • crewdutler · October 17

      M Night’s problem was that he wanted to give every movie a twist, but forgot that for a twist to be really great, it has to be something that you could have figured out on your own. That is why 6th Sense was so great. Unbreakable too. I too hope he makes a comeback. But I will never forgive him for what he did to Avatar the Last Air Bender.

      Liked by 2 people

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        Ditto. Avatar was AWFUL.

        Like

      • Joel · October 18

        I think he just burned himself out by writing, directing and producing those first couple of films. Take it easy, M. Night. And I will also never forgive him for what he did to Avatar: The Last Airbender.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. crewdutler · October 17

    Maybe I haven’t seen enough horror to understand (I’ve only seen bits and pieces of It, enough to know who Pennywise is). but my first Fearamid is different. I looked at it as if this really was happening – I don’t know I’m in a movie or experiencing a supernatural event. So, for a few of these things, my first impression, especially with Pennywise, would be that there was someone in costume. So, I think Pennywise wouldn’t actually be that high for me. First he is in a house, and I’m on the street, and second, because he’s probably someone getting dressed up for a costume party. Now, waking up and finding dracula hovering outside my window, again, my first thought isn’t, “this is dracula” but more, “who is this stalker weirdo outside my window, I need to call the cops – Is he floating?” So, since I would want to call the cops, I fear the stalker out the window more than party clown in the window. The werewolf would freak me out because my mind could not find an inoccuous replacement for that, and there is this wolf like creature running towards me. Xenomorph is scary, again, hard to make my mind to explain it away. Paleman, in a cave – he is kind of weird looking, but humanoid so not as scary as xenomorph. I’m not sure what he does, but I am guessing he is not actively attacking like the werewolf running across the field, so not as scary as werewolf but I’m not secure in my own home like I am in the Dracula scenario. So, my pyramid is Xenomorph, Werewolf, Paleman, Dracula, Pennywise.

    Like

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      Had to look up Paleman… He is horrifying!
      1-Werewolf
      2-Paleman
      3-Dracula
      4-Xenomorph (If Sigourney Weaver can take it in her underwear, I can take it.)
      5- Pennywise (He’s a clown… I know full well to avoid him and not listen to him at all. He’ll never get me if I just walk away… and I’m not tempted by storm drains)

      Liked by 2 people

      • Kent · October 17

        You two are severely underestimating Pennywise

        Liked by 3 people

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        Probably, I’m just not afraid of clowns. I don’t get why they freak people out. And I get that Pennywise is some supernatural super evil killer that can shape shift and stuff, but nothing I’ve heard him do really frightens me at all.

        Like

      • Joel · October 18
    • Joel · October 18

      You can watch this if you want to get a taste of The Pale Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypBj0xDP-io

      Like

      • crewdutler · October 19

        So, the Pale Man is basically a slow moving naked flabby old man who likes to bite the heads off pixies and wears bugles on his fingers. He’s weird looking for sure. But maybe I will move him to the bottom of the fearamid behind pennywise. He couldn’t even catch a little girl.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. crewdutler · October 17

    BEARS – BEETS – BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA

    Liked by 2 people

  5. crewdutler · October 17

    Animal Fearamid – Momma Grizzly (those are fierce, fast and deadly and with the cubs involved there is no way), Croc (I swam in the amazon with piranhas and crocs, not scared, if I can see the croc, I have time to get away), Wolf Pack (there is a whole pack of them, and I have no idea which wolf I need to take out to become alpha), Shark (If you punch a shark in the nose it will swim away), Annaconda (I can run faster than the anaconda, the only way you’re getting killed by an anaconda is if it drops down on you from above without you seeing it, but in the scenario, I see it first, so I’m not scared), Flock of Bats. Now you are completely missing the large primates (an angry silverback gorilla is way scarier than the wolf pack) and large cats (encountering a wild tiger would freak me out) but I wouldn’t worry about lions since they can be easily killed by grasshoppers.

    Liked by 2 people

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      Same 5 for me. Gorilla has to be a wildcard, maybe throw in a hippo, or a stampede of elephants. A Bengal Tiger would be terrifying.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Joel · October 18

      You know, if you swing for a shark’s nose in the water, your fist is just going to end up in its mouth.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. crewdutler · October 17

    SAW DEATHS
    1 – Pendulum Blade
    2 – Lawnmower Blades
    3 – Hydrofluoric acid
    4 – Electrocution (I hate that elecrocution game too, my roommate had it and I hated it)
    5 – Left in bathroom

    Liked by 1 person

  7. crewdutler · October 17

    Paranormal
    1 – Ring video turns tv on without explanation
    2 – Freddie
    3 – Headless Horseman
    4 – Beetlejuice
    5 – Stay Puff Marshmallow Man – he isn’t coming straight for me just wreaking general destruction, I can get away
    6 – Casper

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      Same 5 for me.
      1-Samara
      2-Freddy (ie or y?)
      3-Headless Horsemen
      4- Beetlejuice
      5-Stay Puff Marshmallow Man
      Casper suuuuuuuucks.

      Liked by 1 person

      • crewdutler · October 17

        Sorry about the Freddy misspelling. I spelled it how Freddie Prinze Jr. spells it. Same level of fear though.

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        No I was genuinely curious, not correcting you. The last thing I want is for Mr. Kruger to read this and be mad one of us misspelled his name.

        Like

      • crewdutler · October 17

        I just put Freddie cuz I had no clue what the proper spelling of Kruger was

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        Crap… we could have pissed him off both times… we should have taken the time to look it up. I mean, I understand not doing a spell check if it’s something lame like Pennywise, but Freddy Kruger is pretty fearsome.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · October 18

        Liked by 1 person

      • crewdutler · October 18

        That’s a kind of freaky clown costume.

        Liked by 1 person

      • crewdutler · October 18

        But I’ve seen scarier people at Wal-Mart.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. crewdutler · October 17

    GIANT INSECTS
    1 – Spider
    2 – Ant (especially if they are texas fire ants)
    3 – Mosquitos
    4 – Wasp
    5 – Tick

    Liked by 1 person

    • crewdutler · October 17

      What about a giant grasshopper?

      Liked by 2 people

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        LORD OF THE INSECTS!!!

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        You’d basically fight all 5, and their buddies! Thousands of giant insects! All under the command of the one true king of the insects….

        Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      1-Spider (Camel Spider **shiver**)
      2-Mosquito (think of the swarm! It’d be terrifying! Also, wasn’t the movie you were thinking of The Fog or something?)
      3-Wasp
      4-Ant
      5-Tick… can you imagine it trying to sneakily attach itself to you? It’d be ridiculous.

      Liked by 2 people

      • crewdutler · October 17

        Have you seen Texan fire ants? Think of a giant swarm of those. I am scared of them now. They are the ants that bind together to make rafts of ants during foods. They are smart and deadly.

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        Hmmm… yeah I’m still sticking with my ranking. I might move mosquitoes back and move wasps and ants up. What if a giant one of those wasps that lay their eggs in you and then the babies eat their way out was what you ran into? I’d freak out.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. crewdutler · October 17

    DISASTER SCENARIO
    1 Buried Alive (complete darkness and no sound) – That Saved by the Bell thing is a myth that has been debunked so much, thanks Kent for being gullible enough to believe it. I expect to see you post some sort of privacy notice on your facebook page in the next day or two warning me that facebook is going to release all my data to the public.
    2 Plane breaking apart
    3 Hanging from cliff edge
    4 Apartment Fire (I would have hope for the fire department coming)
    5 Life Raft (you guys are way too scared of sharks)

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      1-Buried Alive
      2-Raft (slowly getting sunburned and dehydrated until you drink the seawater and die, a salty, burned, blind husk of a human being. Nevermind the sharks)
      3- Cliff
      4-Plane, it’d be over quick.
      5-Apartment Fire, again painful but quick.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Joel · October 18

      Are you re-emphasizing that the etymology of “Saved by the Bell” was a myth? Because the Safety Coffin is a real thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safety_coffin

      Like

      • crewdutler · October 18

        I don’t dispute that the safety coffin was real, I dispute that it was common enough to coin the term saved by the bell. It is a boxing term and that is all.

        Like

  10. crewdutler · October 17

    NATURAL DISASTER
    1 Tornado
    2 Tsunami – you might be able to get on top of the roof of a hotel and survive
    3 Hurricane
    4 Earthquake – It’s over by the time you can really get scared
    5 Flash Flood – If I can get on the roof, I’m not too scared (but there might be sharks)

    Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      1-Earthquake
      2-Tornado
      3-Tsunami
      4-Flood
      5-Hurricane (What’s the defense for a hurricane? Pick up a newspaper, oh look a hurricane is coming.-Dwight Shrute)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · October 18

        Just out of curiosity, have either of you experienced one of these natural disasters before?

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        Earthquake yes, but minor ones. Hurricanes yes, but typhoons really since that’s what they are in Asia. Floods yes but not more than 3 feet deep. Tornadoes no, tsunami no. I’ve always been terrified of a massive earthquake hitting and leveling a building I’m in, surviving that, and then dying under the rubble.

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        Have you, Joel?

        Like

      • crewdutler · October 18

        I was in Delaware and felt the small earthquake in Washington DC back in 2011. I think some lawn furniture tipped over. And I weathered to East Coast Hurricanes. Neither did a lot of damage to Delaware, but a lot of damage was expected. I have not experienced major flooding, a Tsunami or a Tornado. However, I rarely hear of deaths from Hurricanes, mostly just property damage, and while I don’t doubt that earthquakes can be deadly, I just can’t imagine getting too scared before it’s over. And I don’t think the water receeding would register right away, and even if it did, I don’t think my mind would be able to process it as fear since I have no frame of reference.

        Like

  11. crewdutler · October 17

    KILLERS
    Leatherface
    Michael Myers
    Jason Voorhies
    Hannibal
    Jack

    Liked by 1 person

  12. crewdutler · October 17

    BAD EXPERIENCE
    Human Centipede
    Demonic Possession
    Alien Abduction
    Bitten by Zombie
    Cult

    Like

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      I omit Human Centipede. I do not recognize it as legitimate, and it disgusts me.

      Demonic Possession
      Alien Abduction
      Zombies
      Cult (Just don’t drink the Kool Aid… they always give you a chance to leave anyway)

      Liked by 2 people

      • crewdutler · October 17

        Without the HC, then I agree. But we need a fifth, so lets through in immortality as a ghost that haunts people with nothing to do, like the dead in 6th Sense or the Others. After listening to the Psychology of Fear from last year, I think this would be Jacob’s #1, but my #5.

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        How about you are forced to read Trinity Deslters cats crossover fan fiction for eternity?… and every movie, book, or commercial appears as a seen with Mistoffelees flossing his teeth or throwing the ring in Mordor or something?

        Liked by 1 person

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      How about being pulled into “the upside down” by an alien/dimensional monster? Or being terrorized by a Poltergeist?

      Liked by 1 person

  13. crewdutler · October 17

    After this episode, I am kind of wishing I had abstained from Baconsale for October this year. I am now mad at Jacob for making me have to look up what the human centipede is. First Hopper, now Centipede. DARN YOU!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • chidwick1 · October 17

      You looked it up?! My deepest condolensces. Seriously whoever thought that up is a messed up human being that should be incarcerated. I made the mistake of looking it up when they mentioned it last October…. Jacob and Kent keep bringing it up! It should be a banned reference.

      Liked by 1 person

      • crewdutler · October 17

        Next time they bring up human centipedeI vote that Jacob and Kent be turned into the human Auryn (the Neverending Story snake eating a snake pendant) as punishment.

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        Oooo good one.

        Like

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        How about if they bring it up again they are forced to watch “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” at half speed?

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · October 17

        Or Sisters!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • crewdutler · October 17

        Or Human Centipede

        Liked by 1 person

      • Kent · October 17

        Someone eating you while you are seated at the table and being slowly cut in two is okay, but the mention of a tacky horror flick and everyone loses their minds!!! (I hope the reference is caught)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · October 18

        Yeah, you guys should stop looking up things that I caution you against. And yes, I think punishments for those two bringing it up again are perfectly acceptable.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Jacob · October 17

      I almost looked it up but Joel explained it to me after the show. He made me too curious!

      Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        What about dumplings? What’s that about? (Yeah you guys piqued my curiousity on that too last october… I trusted you Jacob! Stop making me look up gross stuff!!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Joel · October 18

        Dangit! You’re as bad as I am! Stop looking up terrible things!

        Liked by 1 person

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        I can’t! I’m an information hoarder, I can’t help myself but look things up when things are brought up I don’t know.

        Like

  14. crewdutler · October 17

    What happened at the beginning of the episode, there was a big jump cut.

    Like

    • Kent · October 17

      We talked for a few minutes about the caption contest. It was all good things about your artwork. Sadly, it didn’t make the final cut… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • chidwick1 · October 18

        Good pick with that, by the way. His comment made me laugh out loud at work.

        Like

      • crewdutler · October 18

        How did that get cut, but the Human Centipede got to stay?

        Liked by 1 person

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