Baconsale Episode 79: The Fearamid (Part 1)

Beware the Fearamid! Jacob has created a series of terrifying categories, such as animals, movie monsters and natural disasters, and it’s up to Kent and Joel to decide what belongs at the top of each pyramid of fear (Hey! That’s where the name “Fearamid” comes from!). Is Pennywise the Clown scarier than Dracula? Is a giant spider less terrifying than a giant mosquito? Is being abducted by aliens worse than being held captive by a cult? These are the decisions we have to make on this episode of Baconsale!

A word of caution before you press play: things get a tad gruesome at times on this episode. Subjects such as death, dismemberment, maulings and cannibalism are discussed. It’s still done in our usual humorous tone, but you may not want to listen to this episode with your young, impressionable children. Joel made us write this part.

71 thoughts on “Baconsale Episode 79: The Fearamid (Part 1)”

  1. This is a cool different take on tournaments. It took me a bit to buy in but I enjoyed this a lot. It kind of gives you a good chance to really rank these characters against each other rather than having a good one bumped off to early like what sometimes happen with the brackets. I like it!… Except for the Saw deaths.. I also felt like Jacob definitely held back on those, I have never, and will never, watch Saw but the deaths and “puzzles” I’ve heard from that series are horrifying…

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  2. By the way, watched the 6th sense with 3 people who hadn’t seen it yet, or knew the twist, over the weekend. So fun to see their minds blown! It made me sad the M. Night Shamylan sucks now. Here’s hoping he makes a comeback to that kind of form.

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    1. M Night’s problem was that he wanted to give every movie a twist, but forgot that for a twist to be really great, it has to be something that you could have figured out on your own. That is why 6th Sense was so great. Unbreakable too. I too hope he makes a comeback. But I will never forgive him for what he did to Avatar the Last Air Bender.

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      2. I think he just burned himself out by writing, directing and producing those first couple of films. Take it easy, M. Night. And I will also never forgive him for what he did to Avatar: The Last Airbender.

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  3. Maybe I haven’t seen enough horror to understand (I’ve only seen bits and pieces of It, enough to know who Pennywise is). but my first Fearamid is different. I looked at it as if this really was happening – I don’t know I’m in a movie or experiencing a supernatural event. So, for a few of these things, my first impression, especially with Pennywise, would be that there was someone in costume. So, I think Pennywise wouldn’t actually be that high for me. First he is in a house, and I’m on the street, and second, because he’s probably someone getting dressed up for a costume party. Now, waking up and finding dracula hovering outside my window, again, my first thought isn’t, “this is dracula” but more, “who is this stalker weirdo outside my window, I need to call the cops – Is he floating?” So, since I would want to call the cops, I fear the stalker out the window more than party clown in the window. The werewolf would freak me out because my mind could not find an inoccuous replacement for that, and there is this wolf like creature running towards me. Xenomorph is scary, again, hard to make my mind to explain it away. Paleman, in a cave – he is kind of weird looking, but humanoid so not as scary as xenomorph. I’m not sure what he does, but I am guessing he is not actively attacking like the werewolf running across the field, so not as scary as werewolf but I’m not secure in my own home like I am in the Dracula scenario. So, my pyramid is Xenomorph, Werewolf, Paleman, Dracula, Pennywise.

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    1. Had to look up Paleman… He is horrifying!
      1-Werewolf
      2-Paleman
      3-Dracula
      4-Xenomorph (If Sigourney Weaver can take it in her underwear, I can take it.)
      5- Pennywise (He’s a clown… I know full well to avoid him and not listen to him at all. He’ll never get me if I just walk away… and I’m not tempted by storm drains)

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      2. Probably, I’m just not afraid of clowns. I don’t get why they freak people out. And I get that Pennywise is some supernatural super evil killer that can shape shift and stuff, but nothing I’ve heard him do really frightens me at all.

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      1. So, the Pale Man is basically a slow moving naked flabby old man who likes to bite the heads off pixies and wears bugles on his fingers. He’s weird looking for sure. But maybe I will move him to the bottom of the fearamid behind pennywise. He couldn’t even catch a little girl.

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  5. Animal Fearamid – Momma Grizzly (those are fierce, fast and deadly and with the cubs involved there is no way), Croc (I swam in the amazon with piranhas and crocs, not scared, if I can see the croc, I have time to get away), Wolf Pack (there is a whole pack of them, and I have no idea which wolf I need to take out to become alpha), Shark (If you punch a shark in the nose it will swim away), Annaconda (I can run faster than the anaconda, the only way you’re getting killed by an anaconda is if it drops down on you from above without you seeing it, but in the scenario, I see it first, so I’m not scared), Flock of Bats. Now you are completely missing the large primates (an angry silverback gorilla is way scarier than the wolf pack) and large cats (encountering a wild tiger would freak me out) but I wouldn’t worry about lions since they can be easily killed by grasshoppers.

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  7. Paranormal
    1 – Ring video turns tv on without explanation
    2 – Freddie
    3 – Headless Horseman
    4 – Beetlejuice
    5 – Stay Puff Marshmallow Man – he isn’t coming straight for me just wreaking general destruction, I can get away
    6 – Casper

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      4. Crap… we could have pissed him off both times… we should have taken the time to look it up. I mean, I understand not doing a spell check if it’s something lame like Pennywise, but Freddy Kruger is pretty fearsome.

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    2. 1-Spider (Camel Spider **shiver**)
      2-Mosquito (think of the swarm! It’d be terrifying! Also, wasn’t the movie you were thinking of The Fog or something?)
      3-Wasp
      4-Ant
      5-Tick… can you imagine it trying to sneakily attach itself to you? It’d be ridiculous.

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      1. Have you seen Texan fire ants? Think of a giant swarm of those. I am scared of them now. They are the ants that bind together to make rafts of ants during foods. They are smart and deadly.

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      2. Hmmm… yeah I’m still sticking with my ranking. I might move mosquitoes back and move wasps and ants up. What if a giant one of those wasps that lay their eggs in you and then the babies eat their way out was what you ran into? I’d freak out.

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  9. DISASTER SCENARIO
    1 Buried Alive (complete darkness and no sound) – That Saved by the Bell thing is a myth that has been debunked so much, thanks Kent for being gullible enough to believe it. I expect to see you post some sort of privacy notice on your facebook page in the next day or two warning me that facebook is going to release all my data to the public.
    2 Plane breaking apart
    3 Hanging from cliff edge
    4 Apartment Fire (I would have hope for the fire department coming)
    5 Life Raft (you guys are way too scared of sharks)

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    1. 1-Buried Alive
      2-Raft (slowly getting sunburned and dehydrated until you drink the seawater and die, a salty, burned, blind husk of a human being. Nevermind the sharks)
      3- Cliff
      4-Plane, it’d be over quick.
      5-Apartment Fire, again painful but quick.

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      1. I don’t dispute that the safety coffin was real, I dispute that it was common enough to coin the term saved by the bell. It is a boxing term and that is all.

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  10. NATURAL DISASTER
    1 Tornado
    2 Tsunami – you might be able to get on top of the roof of a hotel and survive
    3 Hurricane
    4 Earthquake – It’s over by the time you can really get scared
    5 Flash Flood – If I can get on the roof, I’m not too scared (but there might be sharks)

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      2. Earthquake yes, but minor ones. Hurricanes yes, but typhoons really since that’s what they are in Asia. Floods yes but not more than 3 feet deep. Tornadoes no, tsunami no. I’ve always been terrified of a massive earthquake hitting and leveling a building I’m in, surviving that, and then dying under the rubble.

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      4. I was in Delaware and felt the small earthquake in Washington DC back in 2011. I think some lawn furniture tipped over. And I weathered to East Coast Hurricanes. Neither did a lot of damage to Delaware, but a lot of damage was expected. I have not experienced major flooding, a Tsunami or a Tornado. However, I rarely hear of deaths from Hurricanes, mostly just property damage, and while I don’t doubt that earthquakes can be deadly, I just can’t imagine getting too scared before it’s over. And I don’t think the water receeding would register right away, and even if it did, I don’t think my mind would be able to process it as fear since I have no frame of reference.

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    1. I omit Human Centipede. I do not recognize it as legitimate, and it disgusts me.

      Demonic Possession
      Alien Abduction
      Zombies
      Cult (Just don’t drink the Kool Aid… they always give you a chance to leave anyway)

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      1. Without the HC, then I agree. But we need a fifth, so lets through in immortality as a ghost that haunts people with nothing to do, like the dead in 6th Sense or the Others. After listening to the Psychology of Fear from last year, I think this would be Jacob’s #1, but my #5.

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      2. How about you are forced to read Trinity Deslters cats crossover fan fiction for eternity?… and every movie, book, or commercial appears as a seen with Mistoffelees flossing his teeth or throwing the ring in Mordor or something?

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  13. After this episode, I am kind of wishing I had abstained from Baconsale for October this year. I am now mad at Jacob for making me have to look up what the human centipede is. First Hopper, now Centipede. DARN YOU!!!!

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    1. You looked it up?! My deepest condolensces. Seriously whoever thought that up is a messed up human being that should be incarcerated. I made the mistake of looking it up when they mentioned it last October…. Jacob and Kent keep bringing it up! It should be a banned reference.

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      6. Someone eating you while you are seated at the table and being slowly cut in two is okay, but the mention of a tacky horror flick and everyone loses their minds!!! (I hope the reference is caught)

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      7. Yeah, you guys should stop looking up things that I caution you against. And yes, I think punishments for those two bringing it up again are perfectly acceptable.

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