Baconsale Episode 76: What Would Baconsale Do?

Delve deep into the twisted psyche of Jacob as he presents a series of hypothetical questions designed to delight Kent and disturb Joel. These psychological experiments include a series of “would you rather” questions, a “what’s in the shopping cart” section and other anxiety-inducing personality tests intended to analyze the minds of the Baconsale boys.

Press play and play along with Jacob’s morbid game…if you dare!

12 thoughts on “Baconsale Episode 76: What Would Baconsale Do?”

  1. Wow. This episode is intense!

    My answers:
    That’s what she said or I know you are…. Definitely that’s what she said.
    What degree? I like my degree (Supply Chain Management) but I might try broadcasting.
    Mom Killed someone, wants your help: Sorry mom, I’m not getting involved with that.
    Shopping carts
    Dog Food: Yes
    Yogurt: Yes, my cart may also be filled with yogurt (Yoplait, Key lime pie)
    Vegan: NO.
    Prescriptions: Yeah, maybe.
    Adam Sandler: Yup
    Pregnancy Test: No….
    Wedding Announcements: No…
    Romance Novels: Depends on the author, anyone but Stephanie Meyer is ok.
    Fingernails or Shrek movie metamorphosis: Shrek.
    Dark Crystal Weirdo: That’s too odd. No no no.
    Cats or Kent’s legs: Cats. (you’re welcome Kent haha)
    Bathroom Sandwich: As long as I can, and then ration it.
    Sink Broke: I’d break every last pipe before I tried drinkin out of a toilet.
    Dream Recorder: I’d watch them, I’m too curious of a person.
    Favorite Dessert, but not yours: Send it back
    Magic Dice (Community episode!) I wouldn’t roll it. I’m really luck rolling 6’s in Risk so I’d die first roll.
    Desert Island, married, how long until you marry the island lady: 1 year
    Edge of a cliff: As long as possible.
    What relatives would you die for: Kids and spouse.
    Irrational belief mom died, finish the movie? Nope.
    12 hours or immortality? Immortality, and I take swordfighting lessons… there can only be one…
    defecation in car or public: Gross Jake.. Gross… Sorry everyone, I’m not dropping anchor in my car.
    100 lbs w/ mind or 10,000 lbs. physically 10,000 lbs.
    Gender-sneeze or muffin-babies Muffins, and I’d never eat a muffin again.
    Brutally honest doc or popular Bio-Pic Bio Pic
    Drunk or embezzlement rumor stealing stuff bugs me more.
    Shark infested mile swim to land or die on island: Backstroke!!
    2 terrible alternatives or eaten by shark: 2 terrible alternatives
    Shopping cart-Baby clothes yeah I’d give it a shot.
    Nutella HECK YES!!! If the bathroom sandwich was a Nutella sandwich it’d be gone in 30 seconds.

    And I passed up on Call Me Maybe to listen to this again. Awesome episode hahaha

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  2. Me playing along:
    I would rather get $10,000.
    I would use “I know you are but what am I”. So many situations where “That’s what she said” would be awkward and inappropriate: church, funerals, job interviews, parent teacher conferences. I know you are but what am I may be annoying, but at least it’s not inappropriate.
    Undergrad Degree: I’d do International Studies again.
    Mom accidentally killed someone – I would not help her. I don’t care what she says about the evidence against her, I would hold out hope that there is exonerating evidence, and if not, the body will be found one day, and I would rather just my mom go to prison than for me to go to prison too for aiding and abetting.
    Shopping Cart – 3 bags of dog food: Yes. Still in. Yogurt: Yes. She’s hot right? Cuz if she’s hot, I have no problem with either big dogs or a lot of yogurt. Vegan – I’m out. I don’t care how hot she is. I like meat. If she was just vegetarian, that’s fine, but Vegan is a deal breaker. Prescription bags – No problem. The prescriptions could be anything. Premium Adam Sandler collection – No problem. Pregnancy Test – I’d be wary, but not a deal breaker. She’s hot. Wedding announcements – Still no problem. 10 Romance Novels – No problem. I like to read. She likes to read, I’m sure we can find common ground in acting out the scenes from the romance novels some day. I’m with Joel.
    Perfect Girl Obsessed with Dark Crystal – I’m in. If she’s otherwise perfect in every other asspect (mispelling intended) then I would go for it.
    Never cut fingernails or every movie becomes Shrek – I’d cut my fingernails and stop watching movies. I’d save money and get a lot more reading done. Plus TV series are sometimes so much better and more fulfilling than movies.
    Smartest Person in the World or Stupidest Person in the World – Stupidest Person in the World.
    Small Room w/ feral cats and Kent’s leg will be cut off unless I strangle all the cats – I’d strangle the cats. I’d kill the dogs. I’d stomp on the gerbils and bunnies. I’d shoot the horses. Not that I really like Kent, but I would do that for any person. Humans have more value than any animal.
    Bathroom Part 1 – Trapped in bathroom. Somebody has left a sandwich on the floor. After 24 hours. Do you eat it. I’d eat the inside first then the top then the bottom (you have to think about splatter). After another 12 hours I’d eat the last piece of bread. I would flush the urinal and get water as it comes from the top of the urinal. I’d go for the urinal over the toilet. I would also flush the toilets every twenty minutes because eventually you’d wash out most of the bad stuff. But 24 hours would probably be the max I’d go before I got a drink out of the toilet.
    Dream Recorder – No. I don’t care enough about what is in my dreams.
    Favorite Dessert – I’d eat it.
    Magic Dice – Can I turn the invisibility on and off at will? Even if it’s at will invisibility, I’m not rolling it. I’d go with Cars and Invisibility.
    Desert Island w/ woman I am attracted to how long till I have a relationship w/ her – 18 months.
    Caught someone on the edge of cliff – I’d hold on till they let go.
    When would I stop sacrificing myself – I like to think I would sacrifice myself for even my 27th cousin 16 times removed.
    Feeling my Mom just died – I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the rest of the movie anyway, so I’d probably get up and leave.
    Die in 12 hours or Immortal for 20,000 years – Immortal.
    Driving down remote highway and are about to explode with a major BM – I’d go outside. Did I tell you about the time I was at Petra in Jordan – you know the canyon
    100 pounds telekinetically or 10,000 pounds physically – I’d go for Telekinesis. Carrying groceries, luggage, boxes, babies.
    Change Gender every time I sneeze or babies and muffins look the same – Babies are Muffins. I sneeze way too often.
    Two unauthorized movies which one would I see? Documentary.
    Two rumors (drunk at party and made out w/girl I work with (True and nobody believes it) or stealing office supplies and selling it to cover gambling debt (False but everyone believes it)). False one bothers me more. If both false, the first one bothers me more.
    Island – Oh my gosh sprite almost came out my nose when Kent said “2 months”. Seriously! – Mainland 1 mile away with sharks, do I go for it? Does the island have supplies to live on indefinitely? If there are limited supplies I’d go for it while I was still strong. But first I would kill Kent and throw his body in the water on the other side of the island to draw most of the sharks away.
    Would you rather be put in a situation with two terrible alternatives or be eaten by sharks – Terrible alternatives.
    Shopping Cart – Baby Clothes – I’d go for it. I like babies. Nutella – TOTALLY.
    Listen to Call me Maybe for one hour or this episode again – Call me Maybe.

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      2. Now if it was Jacob who was about to lose his legs and I had to stomp on a bunch of grashoppers. I dunno. I’d be scared that one of those grasshoppers might summon a legion of magical scarab beetles from the Egyptian pyramids and attack me. So I’d leave those alone.

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      3. You should be scared, those Egyptian grasshoppers are the worst and best connected of the grasshoppers. I mean, they probably also are able to bring frogs, boils, turn rivers to blood, and take your firstborn son.

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  3. I meant to go back and finish my comment about being at Petra before I posted. Anyway, here is what I was going to say. So, I was at the BYU Jerusalem Center and we were visiting Petra. It is the building carved into the canyon that you see in Indiana Jones and Search for the Holy Grail. So, we hiked in to see that building, called the Treasury, and along the way into the canyon there are small caves carved into the side of the cliff periodically, then after the Treasury, we hiked another mile and a half to see an even more awesome building called the Monastery. Well, on the way back, all of a sudden my stomach started downshifting. I knew it was only a matter of time before I exploded. At the time I was hiking next to a really hot girl, a girl I really wanted to date when we got back to BYU Provo (dating isn’t allowed at the BYU Jerusalem Center) and I was enjoying the hike a lot. But bad things were going to happen and they were going to happen soon, so I turned to her and said, “I’m sorry, but I really need to get moving, something did not agree with me and it is about to get embarassing.” Then I took off speedwalking. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t, I had to keep those cheeks squeezed together, so all I could do was speedwalk. When I got to the Treasury, there was a film crew filming a cell phone commercial and they were keeping people from walking through – I disregarded their attempts to stop me and kept speedwalking through the scene (YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP!). All the time, the pressure kept building, I finally exited the main canyon, but still had at least a half-mile to go when my bowels began demanding satisfaction, I looked around and saw one of those small caves, so I left the trail, found a small cave (about the size of an average living room) and dropped my drawers and hoped no other tourists or park rangers popped in. Boy did that feel good. I had no TP, so I still had to walk carefully back to the gift shop restrooms to finish cleaning up.

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      1. So, not only did I not get to spend a nice leisurely walk through a Jordanian canyon with a hot girl w/out having to worry about what was in her shopping cart, but I also missed out on the opportunity to ride a horse the last 3/4 of a mile out of the canyon like Indian Jones. There was no way my bowels would have allowed me to sit astride a horse for any length of time. I wonder what Kent would have done in that situation. There was no door on the cave I went in, people all along the trail could see me walk off the trail and go into the cave.

        You can now see the whole trail on google maps street view. It looks like Jordan had a few too many people like me desecrating their historic sites, and has added porta-potties along the trail. Sure wish they would have thought of that 16 years ago. It’s not like porta-potties are a recent invention.

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