Baconsale Episode 72: Baconsale-Approved Restroom Etiquette

To kick off a potential series of etiquette-related episodes, we decided to first come up with a list of Baconsale-approved public restroom rules that everyone should follow. Kent, Joel and Jacob (but mostly Kent) discuss proper protocol and pet peeves in the men’s room. Plus, they even talk about generally accepted behavior for the women’s restroom, as well, with the help of our female listener.

Why did we choose to start this series with a bathroom episode? Well, that was Kent’s idea. However, Joel gave Kent strict orders to stay away from toilet humor — which is ironic considering Joel is the one who ends up crossing the line of family friendliness at one point.

So whether you’re listening to this episode in the bathroom, the restroom, the water closet or the powder room, enjoy the acoustics of this episode of Baconsale!

20 thoughts on “Baconsale Episode 72: Baconsale-Approved Restroom Etiquette”

  1. This episode had so many moments that made me seriously consider turning it off and listen to it after I got off of work. I was having trouble holding back the laughs. From Jacobs creepy serial killer giggle, to Kent having a traumatizing experience with a stranger for not locking his stall, to Joel… and his apparent thoughts about Butt Dexterity.

    So many bathroom jokes… wow. I loved it.

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  2. In college I did a research project on which bathroom stall was used most. Part of the project involved me monitoring a restroom in the BYU library(because it was used frequently and had four equally sized stalls [ie. no handicap stall]) for several hours. I would walk into the restroom every 15 minutes, glance under the stalls to see which ones were being used, then pretend to wash my hands and leave to record the data. If noone was in the restroom I would check the stalls and make sure that they were all clean and flushed in order to maintain equal choice among the offerings. My findings aligned with those of similar research studies. When faced with a choice of equal items we tend to select those in the middle over those at the ends. So, if you want to choose the stall that is least used – which means it is probably the cleanest – you should select either the first stall or the last one. That is if all is equal. I did not study what happens when a handicap stall is one of the choices.

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    1. I’m surprised that the HBLL Security Team didn’t get any calls about a suspicious character with a hand-washing fetish lurking around the bathrooms.

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      1. That’s because I was extremely non suspicious. I didn’t always just wash my hands, I would sometimes pretend to use a urinal, or blow my nose. But mostly I was a bathroom ninja.

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      2. I’ve been considering ways to improve the study, and I think I have one would make Kent cringe. When the observer checks to see which toilets are occupied, he initiates a survey with the stall occupant asking them what they were thinking about as the entered the restroom, whether they inspected all the stalls prior to choosing the one they are using, what other criteria they used to select their stall, whether the stall was performing as expected, if there was anything wrong with the stall that they discovered after sitting down, what other criteria they use to select a stall, and whether they would return to use that stall or select a different one in the future. It would be a comprehensive study. And then you can also ask ancillary questions like whether they approve of eating or drinking in the restroom, using cell phones, and if they approve of talking in the restroom. Kent would love it.

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  3. How do you feel about listening to podcasts while using the toilet and then breaking out into uncontrollable laughter because somebody said, “My butt cheeks are not going to be picking up forks.” Cuz that just happened.

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  4. Kent would not do well in the military. Especially because of the drug testing process. You have to walk into the restroom with a “Trusted Agent” whose job it is to be your witness. The trusted agent then has to talk to you in order to give you instructions: “Remove the lid, rinse your hands with just water, take the bottle to the urinal, stand at the urinal at an angle and fill it up to at least the line.” Then, while you urinate into the bottle the Trusted Agent has to stand behind you and “watch the urine leave the body and enter the bottle.” Their main job is to make sure somebody isn’t using another person’s pee to cheat the drug test. Then you button up (uniforms have buttons not zippers) put the lid on the bottle, then again just rinse your hands with water, and carry the bottle back to the front desk – all the while holding it up over your shoulder so the Trusted Agent can ensure you aren’t switching the bottle out. Only after you have put your initials on the bottle label can you return to the restroom to wash your hands with soap.

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    1. Darth Maul is mad because the man did not leave a buffer zone and because his Obi Wan Kenobi is taking his picture while he is using a urinal. He is about to whip out his light saber and go bathroom ninja on him.

      [That pic is from opening night of Star Wars Episode 2]

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